Tuesday, February 15, 2011

MY DEAREST GOD WHERE IS MY VOICE

MY DEAREST LORD WHERE IS MY VOICE

I MISS MY VOICE

 MOST PROFOUNDLY WHEN SINGING IN CHURCH,

 HYMNS ARE WHAT GAVE ME PEACE

 WHEN MY MOTHER PASSED ON

 I BELIEVE I USED MY VOICE TO BETTER MANKIND

I ALWAYS TRIED TO LEAVE A PLACE A LITTLE BETTER THAN i FOUND IT

THAT WAS VERY METHIDICAL

LIFE IS FRAGILE 
AND PEOPLE NEED TO BE STROKED 
AND TO KNOW THEY ARE ALOUD TO BE REAL.

THAT IS THE REASON I MADE FRIENDS

AT EVERY CRAFT SHOW I WENT TO 

AND

EVERY HOME SHOW I ATTENDED

I KNOW THE LADY AT LIBERTY SCREENS

THE MAN AT THE LITTLE GIANT LADDER

 SOLAR ENEGRY

POCKETBOOKS

JEWLERY

UNIQUE

I GUESS YOU COULD CALL MY VOICE UNIQUE..

IT TAKES PAIN AND FINDS FAITH AND HOPE IN THE SITUATION

THERE WAS REALLY NOT A UNIQUE BIRD LIKE ME


THE WORLD COULD NOT TAKE TWO OF ME.

 NOW THE LITTLEST THING

SAYING THANK YOU TO A NURSE
 COMMENT ARE HER VERY LOVELY AND KIND HANDLING OF MY FEED TUBE,

 WRITING IS A TOOL BUT NO TIME TO READ

A LENGTHY NOTE WRITTEN IN KINDNESS

JOKING WITH PEOPLE IT IS A PLEASANT MORNING IS REDUCED TO A SMILE

WHEN SOME GETS TO KNOW ME THEY AVOID ME FOR THE WRITTEN NOTE. 

tHEN THERE ARE SOME WHO RACE ME DOWN THE HALL AND SPINS ME AROUND.

YOU HAVE TO FEEL A LITTLE MORE TO DO WITH PEOPLE. 

I HESITATE TO DO THINGS IN GROUP

BUT TODAY i WATCHED A VALENTINE MOVIE IN THE MAIN HALL

I SOBBED THE WHOLE MOVIE,
BECAUSE OF THIS DISEASE 
AND
HOW IT DOES NOT LET ME FULLY PARTICIPATE

EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS THE SAD MOVIE

BUT I USED A WHOLE BOX OF CLEANEXES

i WENT BACK TO MY SEMI OFFICE AND WROTE MY SON'S

THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK

IF I COULD TALK I WOULD CALL MY SON'S.

AND TELL THEM HOW I FEEL. 
IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING.

 I ATE IN MY ROOM ALONE AND LAID DOWN AND SLEPT.
  

 I FEEL DRAINED

WITHOUT A VOICE

 WHY LORD SHOW ME THE PURPOSE

I LET SO MANY PEOPLE DOWN


I AM STILL HEAR IN SPIRIT

 BUT IT IS NOT THE SAME. 

 IT IS NOT FLUENT BUT STRAINED

 WHY LORD WHAT AM I TO DO WITH THIS CHALLENGE






1 comment:

  1. Dearest Jane,

    I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to be unable to talk...especially for someone like you who has spent her life talking, counseling, and consoling others. BUT I can assure you that you have not lost your voice! Your words~ though~ written~ are heard loud and clear! And what's more, my dear~ they will always be here for us to "hear" and try to begin to understand this extreme challenge that has been placed on you.
    I do not think you have let anyone down~ on the contrary, I think you are opening all of our minds and hearts to challenges and how to face them.

    Love and prayers to you today, my friend

    XOXO
    Linda

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