I AM CRYING AND ALL MIXED UP

DEAR LORD

I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.

I AM CRYING
AND
JUMPING FROM ONE THING TO THE NEXT

I FEEL BAD,
THE TROUBLE I AM CAUSING EVERYBODY.

IT TAKES ALL MY STRENGTH

TO DO WHAT I HAVE TO TO SURVIVE AND DO THE THINGS I NEED TO DO.

I FEEL I AM NOT GETTING OF HOLD OF EVERYBODY I SHOULD
AND
GETTING TOO MUCH A HOLD OF SOME THAT ARE HELPING ME. 

 IT IS DIFFICULT TO LOSE

 YOUR INDEPENDENCE

 AND NEED HELP.

 I WANT TO BE LIKE,
I USED TO BE

  

 AND 

DO WHAT,
  I USED TO DO.

I AM STILL ME

 I FEEL THAT I AM STILL ME,
  ON THE INSIDE

 BUT I GRIEVE 

 WHAT I  HAVE LOST.

 I AM NOT READY TO CHANGE.

 I FEEL BAD FOR OTHERS TO HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME.

 THIS DISEASE IS SUCH A MESS

I AM SO THANKFUL
FOR
COLEEN

AND BRENT
AND 

  

 EDGE AND LORIAN.

 EVERYDAY,
SOMEONE TOUCHES MY LIFE
AND
I AM SO THANKFUL

TODAY WAS TOM AND BRIANA DAY, ALSO.

 WHAT BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE.

 EVEN COMPANIES LIKE AT&T

 HELP ME 

  

  MY SONS AND DICK WORK FOR ME DAILY
AND
I CAN'T SEE WHAT THEY ARE DOING,
BUT I KNOW
BECAUSE
YOU ALLOW ME TO FEEL IT.

  

 BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL

 CONNIE KEEPS ME CLOSE AND OTHER CHURCH MEMBERS 

 I FEEL THEIR PRESENCE

EVEN IF I AM NOT IN TOUCH!

"NEIGHBORHOOD FRIENDS CARE"

IS TOUCHING SO MANY LIVES 

AND

I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT. 

I GET FEED BACK MANY TIMES  
AND 
OTHERS ARE TRULY CARING OUT THE JOBS

 PART OF ME IS JEALOUS

I WANT TO BE THERE 

AND 

FEEL THE PEOPLE THAT ARE TOUCHED

BUT THEY DON'T KNOW ME OR WHO I AM.

 I DON'T MATTER THE WAY  I WANT TO 

 LORD IT KILLS ME

I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE WORK BUT I WANT TO BE THERE DOING IT. 

 HELL LORD 

I WOULD EVEN HELP BUILD THE STEPS. 

 TAKE SOMEONE SOMEWHERE.

THESE ARE THE THINGS I HAVE ALWAYS DONE

 THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY PREPARED ME  To Do:


TO SEE THE NEED  of others!

WHY GOD WHY 

DID YOU ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN.

I WANT TO BE A PART OF IT!!!

IT IS NOT FAIR!!!

I SHOULD BE A PART OF IT!!!!

LORD WHAT WERE YOU THINKING

IT IS LIKE PULLING THE RUG OUT
FROM UNDER MY FEET!!!

I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS 
TO ACCEPT HELP

YOU MUST THINK I AM REALLY MIXED UP.

MAYBE YOU ARE TELLING ME,
I DID NOT MAKE NFC HAPPEN
YOU DID. 
 WHOOPS !!!!

WELL I AM STILL JEALOUS OR HURT

THIS IS SO CONFUSING. I NEED THE HELP

I WANT TO BE GIVING THE HELP

IF YOU ARE ORCHESTRATING THIS LIFE 

YOU HAVE GOT IT BACKWARDS

LORD!!!

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS LORD

CAN'T WE PUT ARE HEADS TOGETHER AND GET THIS DONE.

 YOU ARE MY COACH

AND I CAN'T HEAR THE PLAYS 

WHAT PLAY DO YOU WANT NEXT?

HOW ABOUT A TOUCHDOWN

 I WOULD RATHER HAVE A TOUCHDOWN 

HELL LORD

I WOULD EVEN TAKE A TIE GAME

BUT LORD 

 HELP US TO WIN THIS GAME. 

IN FACT I DON'T WANT THIS SEASON TO END

I KNOW LET'S HAVE A GAME YEAR ROUND

COACH DON'T WORRY

I AM NOT GOING TO FIRE YOU

ALL THOUGH I THINK YOU NEED A GOOD WHIPPING

CAN YOU GET THIS LIFE RIGHT

WHAT DID YOU SAY

I CAN'T HEAR YOU

IT IS NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE THE GAME 

IT IS HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME. 

OH LORD I AM SO SORRY

I AM A PART OF YOUR TEAM

A  TEAM NEEDS A COACH 

AND 

A COACH NEEDS PLAYERS

WHOOPS I KNOW I NEED YOU

IN FACT I GOT HURT ON THE FIELD AND YOU NEED TO CARRY ME OFF THE FIELD COACH 

BUT PLEASE COACH

DON'T TAKE ME OUT OF THE GAME. 

EVEN IF I CAN ONLY BE THE WATER BOY

LET ME BE A PART OF THE GAME.

LORD ONLY YOU 

KNOW THE HAIRS ON MY HEAD 

I KNOW YOU WILL KEEP ME IN THE GAME AS LONG AS YOU CAN. 

YOU KNOW LORD I WANT TO STAY IN THE GAME!!

I AM PLEADING WITH YOU 

MAKE IT HAPPEN! 

THANK YOU LORD TODAYS GAME WAS GOOD!!!