"One Month To Live"

MT DEAREST LORD

THANK YOU FOR SHOWING ME THIS BOOK

I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING THE LARGEST BATTLE OF MY LIFE

AND FINALLY

 I FEEL I HAVE A RIGHT TO DO WHAT  I WANT

 PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TELLING ME WHAT  I CAN AND CAN'T DO

EVER SINCE THE DIAGNOSIS

AND NOW I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND

A MOVIE STAR 

 SAID TO HER HUSBAND WHO WAS DIAGNOSED 

WITH BRAIN CANCER. 

 "DON'T TELL ANYONE OR THEY WILL STOP WRITING 

 PARTS FOR YOU.

 WELL IT IS DIFFICULT TO KEEP ALS A SECRET

 WHEN YOU BEGIN 

 TO CHANGE YOUR VERY BEING!

 BUT I FEEL PEOPLE STOPPED WRITING PARTS FOR ME.

GOD DO I HAVE A PART?

GOD, CAN I ENJOY WHAT I HAVE LEFT?

GOD

CAN  I WRITE THE SONG?

 GOD PLEASE TELL ME

GOD I DON'T WANT TO CAUSE OTHERS PAIN 

BUT

I CAN'T HANDLE EVERYTHING THE WAY I WOULD PREFER.

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO DOWN SIZE

 WE ALL REALLY MUST DO THAT.

 I DID NOT KNOW 

 I WAS GOING TO HAVE A TIME LIMIT.

 NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN I NEED A RUSH JOB!

  

 I CAN NOT DO THAT BOTH
PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY

 I WOULD PREFER 

TO HAVE A HANDLE ON EVERYTHING 

AND

EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.

 WE ALL COLLECT AND MAKE MEMORIES

 WE CAN  NOT TAKE THEM WITH US. 

 WHEN MY PARENTS DIED 

 I SAID YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING WITH YOU.

  WHAT THEY HAD,
DID NOT MATTER TO ME,

 UNLESS IT MATTERED TO ME.

 DO YOU UNDERSTAND GOD?

  I SWORE I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO MY CHILDREN!

 AND HEAR I AM STILL DIGGING OUT FROM MY PARENTS.

 I STILL HAVE SOME OF THEIR STUFF.

 IT MEANT SOMETHING TO ME.

 DOES IT GOD?

 DOES IT REALLY?

DID IT REALLY. 

 WHAT DOES MY STUFF MEAN. 

 A NOOSE AROUND MY NECK 

 OR THE JOY OF MY LIFE.

 I LIVE ALONE WITH YOU LORD

IF YOU CAN'T SHARE IT WITH SOMEONE 

 WHAT DOES IT MATTER.

 THIS IS SO PAINFUL.

HOW DO YOU REASON WITH YOURSELF.

I HAVE TO LIVE ON YOUR STRENGTH LORD?

I WEAR OUT SO FAST AND CAN'T BREATHE.

HOW CAN I DEAL WITH LIVING AND WORK ON DYING.

 AS YOU CAN TELL,
  I HAVE NOT FINISHED THE BOOK.

YOU KNOW THERE IS MORE TO DYING THAN JUST DYING. 

 YOU HAVE TO LIVE TO DIE.

BUT WHEN PARTS OF YOUR BODY DIE

 IT IS DIFFICULT TO LIVE.

 I AM SO SICK OF BEING SICK.

THAT DOES NOT SOUND VERY GRATEFUL.

 LORD MY LIFE HAS BEEN A BLESSING IN A WEIRD SORT OF WAY.

I HAVE SEEN THE BLESSINGS IN EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME 

AND

 I PRAISE YOU FOR THAT  

 I TRULY DO. 

 YOU HAVE ALOUD ME TO BE A MISFIT

 TO YOUR NAME. 

 I ALWAYS HAVE THE CROCKED PATH

 MAYBE DIFFICULT 

 BUT IN THE ROCKS AND CREVASSES GROW BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS

THAT IS WHAT I SMELL.

GOD WHAT A THE LESS FORTUNATE GOING TO DO WITH OUT ME

TO TOOT THEIR HORN

I HAVE BEEN TOOTING 

 ALL THOSE WHO CAN'T SPEAK FOR SO LONG

 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TOOT MY OWN HORN.

 WHOOPS THERE I GO AGAIN

 TAKING CREDIT FOR YOUR WORK.

LORD YOU PUT THOSE OPPORTUNITIES

IN MY PATH AND SHOWED ME WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY

   

I ALWAYS ASKED,

LET ME BE AN INSTRUMENT OF YOUR WORD 

I GUESS IF I BLAMED YOU I WOULD HAVE TO CREDIT YOU ALSO

LIFE IS WHAT IT IS

GOD I HAVE TO ASK 

 DIDN'T I DO A GOOD ENOUGH JOB

 WHAT CAN I DO WHEN I CAN'T TALK

 I HAVE MORE TO SAY AND MORE TO SHAKE UP.

 NOW YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A VOICE FOR ALS

WITH NO VOICE

 I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW
I AM SUPPOSE TO BLESS YOU AND PRAISE YOU

 I DON'T LIKE THIS

 I HATE THIS ALS

MY SON TOLD ME TO BLOG

 I HAVE HAD DIFFICULTY BLOGGING

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TIRED 

AND

CAN NOT BREATHE

IT HAS BEEN A BLESSING I GUESS IT HAS HELPED ME COPE

BUT WHAT GOOD IS IT TO GO BACK AND FORTH

I KNOW, I KNOW

 IT IS NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE 

BUT HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME!!!

WELL LORD I MIGHT ONLY BE A WATER BOY

 BUT I AM STILL IN THE GAME.